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5/20/10

My Eyelids Hurt

I am so tired for no appearant reason. I am sore in places I don't think are supposed to even exist, much less make me sore. Like.....

The neck muscle behind my ear.
My ring finger on my right hand. (I'm left handed.)
My eyelids.
The muscles below the kneecap.
And a couple of other highly unmentionable places. 



So, what kind of not normal is that? I worked out last night, hard - but no harder than usual. I did my regular 2 miles, then added another 0.2 just for kicks. I didn't think 0.2 miles could kick my butt. But it did. I am sore. I even had to beg my husband to go get me a bowl of cereal because I could not get off the couch. Ok, I could get off of the couch, I just didn't want to.

On another note, I have been very, very depressed lately. It's strange because I've been feeling great. But I was sitting at the computer yesterday at about 3PM, and I just instantly felt utterly worthless. It's like all these little voices in my head were yelling at me "fat, lazy, ugly, worthless!" It was horrible. I had no drive, no motivation, I didn't even want to play a video game! (which, for me, is highly unusual). Fortunately my sister asked us over for dinner, so I made myself go. It worked because I'm back to normal. I'm thinking I just had a bad few days because I let my eating get out of control again. And that allowed me to feel disgusting and out of control. It's odd how much my eating determines my moods, isn't it? Hmmm, may have to look into that.

So that's it, that's all that's on my  mind. Ok, it isn't all, but if I wrote it all - we'd be here for days.

3 comments:

Buzzy & Breezelys Mama said...

Hey there, you aren't alone in the whole depression things. It ebbs and flows sometimes and there are several reasons. Besides feeling like crap and being angry/disappointed etc with yourself when you eat poorly (not badly - because that implies you did something wrong... eating poorly is a choice not a crime) you will also feel horrible BECAUSE of the food you chose to eat. Generally a person's choice food when eating poorly contains a lot of sugar. Sugar is a stimulant which will give you energy and the same symptoms as enorphins and increased happy hormones (I forgot what they're called...starts with a P, any ideas...lol) your blood sugar levels will drop quickly thereafter decreasing those happy hormones and endorphin like feelings and you will find yourself depressed and unhappy. It sucks. The third thing that causes depression is actually FEELING your emotions as opposed to eating them. If you become angry, upset, sad, irritated, or even happy, celebratory etc generally you would eat those feelings (that is, if you are an emotional eater - which many people are) but when you don't eat your feelings you are subjected to the intensity of how they really affect you and alot of people (myself included) at first don't know how to cope with them because it has been so long (and in some people's cases they have never ) dealt with them. So, no worries. You're not alone. You're doing great!! Go you for walking THAT MUCH! I am impressed. Hope your soreness goes away. Much love
<3 Krissy aka The Fat Chick

Teale said...

I saw your card on Jacksh!t's blog & wanted to stop by and check your space out! I'm gonna add you to my google reader so I can keep up with your journey!

✯FiTCETERA✯ said...

I came over from Jacksh*t's place.

I get hit with the blues too ... out of the blue blues.

I love your avatar pic and I love the pic in your post about coming out of the (fat) closet.