Quick Note

Just a quick note to say I'll be back Tuesday - been a long week and a longer weekend. I need some R&R.  I know I post a lot, but I need me a break. So I'll see you all later!


Blog Award Buffet

Ok, Yesterday I counted up my grand tally of awards and found that I had - drum roll please -


Yeah, 4. That's a lot all at once. Contrary to what some may think at this point in the post - I am not tooting my own horn, as the saying goes. I am merely trying to give credit and thanks to where it is due. Along with passing them on, and fulfilling all requirements.

So here's the plan. I am going to list all 4 awards, where they came from, how grateful I am for them, and the things you need to do when accepting said award. Then I am going to pick 7 bloggers to pass them onto, and those bloggers can come here and choose which award they want. Sorta like a Choose Your Own Adventure Buffet. I'd love to do them all individually, but I don't have that kind of time. Whew - Ok, let's get going.

1.) I got this Sunshine Award from Sylvia at Big Steps 2 Take. Sylvia cracks me up - plus I love her blog layout. There are no acceptance conditions - Just post and pass it on.

2.) Then I got the Beautiful Blogger award from Blue at The Missing Piece. Blue is awesome, her comments make me feel very cared about! So, if you pick this one you have to list 7 things about yourself that people don't know, and pass it on to 7 other bloggers.

 3.) I also got the Beautiful Blogger Award from Brandi at La Vida Subida. She gave me a great compliment when listing  me as recipient, I was touched to see that she can relate to me. Who knew? Anyway, same conditions as the one above - I'm really posting this so I can give a proper thank you to Brandi!

4.) Then Karen over at muffin fixation gave me the Oh My Blog! award! She's another totally awesome blogger that seems to like me, and asked for my Jack Sh*t widget. It's amazing the connections you make with perfect strangers! I love the blogoshpere. I really do. So anywho,the rules are:

1. Get really excited that you got the coolest award EVER!
2. Choose ONE of the following options of accepting the OMB award:
(a) Get really drunk and blog for 15 minutes straight, or for as long as you can focus.
(b) Write about your most embarrassing moment.
(c) Write a “Soundtrack of your childhood” post.
(d) Make your next blog a ‘vlog’/video blog. Basically, you’re talking to the camera about whatever.
(e) Take a picture of yourself first thing in the morning, before you do anything else (hair, makeup, etc) and post it.
3. Pass this award onto at least 3, but preferably more, awesome bloggers as yourself. Don’t forget to tell them.

 And no, I didn't forget to fulfill my requirements.

My choices for passing this on are - in no particular order -

1. Smasher Girl @ Smasher Girl - always so encouraging!
2. Buzzy & Breezelys Mama @ The Fat Chick Weigh - This woman amazes me, since the first moment of reading her blog - I felt like if I lived in her area we'd have been best friends for years.
3. Lianna @ Welcome To ObeCity - My heart goes out to her, she's dealing with some stuff, and trying to lose weight. Hop on over and give her pick me up!
4. Dagny @ what needs to be done now? - a very strong lady, who's not afraid to speak her mind! I love it!
5. Mrs. Happy Pants @ Mrs. Happy Pants - her name rocks, and so does her humor.
6. Happy Fun Pants @ Smaller Fun Pants - Cuz she's such a pleasure to read! So easy, so humorous, so identifiable! Or maybe I just have a thing about names with "pants" in them....
7. Last but not least, Journey Beyond Survival. Her amazing blog post on the impossible - I don't even have words to express how truly inspiring it was. I have it bookmarked.

And here's my list of -
7 Things about myself that no one knows?  Here goes....

1. I have to have everything symmetrical. All the knick-knacks on my dresser, the stuff on the dashboard of my car. Even my computer screen icons have to be symmetrical and in order.

2. I can't suck on a piece of hard candy, or a lollipop. I end up chewing it up. It never fails.

3. I like The Sims video games. But only because I get to put in the cheat code, give myself millions of simoleans, and build the dream houses I know I will never have in real life. I don't really care if all the Sims I make pee on themselves. I just look at the houses.

4. I like Rainbow Brite. When I was a child, I wanted that magic bag of sparkles that put color on everything. I also wanted a white horse that could walk on rainbows.

5. I have this terrible urge to dye my hair again. Maybe red this time...except I look like crap with red hair.

6. I adore word games. I read all the time, own over 500 I like to test my knowledge.

7. I'm pregnant.

      Ok, not really...but that's the kind of information you were REALLY looking for, isn't it?

So there you have it. I will post a picture of myself first thing in the morning, tomorrow - first thing in the morning. So see ya then...


Scales and Weigh-In's and Cake, Oh My!

It's been an interesting week. Feels longer than normal. The kind of week where you have 17 thousand things happen, and it feels like a month instead of a week.

First I had my son's B-day party, which was awesome, but we had cake. I love cake. Then on Monday, my in-laws had us over for our anniversary celebration - and we had 2 cakes, count 'em, 2. One for my son to celebrate his b-day, and a ginormous ice cream cake. I still have said ice cream cake in my freezer, calling my name daily. It's hard to ignore. But then I saw this picture of me and my huge gut - so that's some good motivation to stay away from the evil ice cream cake.

Then my bank messes up. Cost me $120. I don't have 120 to waste on overdraft fees that aren't my fault because I have plenty of money in my savings account. Which was being saved for my family reunion in SC this summer - but now belongs to my crappy, money grubbing, lying, retard bank. Time to switch banks.

So I got 2 blog awards this week. I was like - woah - 2! (2 cakes, 2 awards? Hmm....mebbe I need more cake.) In one week. Very cool. Now I feel super speshul, and like I'm awesome. Which I am. Super speshul. And awesome.

So, thanks to Sylvia at Big Steps 2 Take for this one:

 And to Blue at The Missing Piece for this one:

 I really appreciate it, you two made my day day yesterday - especially after the bank fiasco.

And last, but not least - my weigh in. Now, I had one of those weeks where you feel that there is no way the scale will budge an inch. I felt like no matter how much I exercised, and no matter how little I ate, I would still gain weight. Logic does not apply to a fat person's brain. I think we are so used to seeing that scale stuck in the high numbers, that our brains do not compute when we see those numbers go down. I feel like, somehow, my scale is playing a joke on me - and tomorrow I'll be right back where I started. I hear a lot of stories about how when people lose large amounts of weight, they don't really process that fact for a long time. I never believed them - I've always thought "pfft, when I'm thin, I'll have no trouble knowing that I'm skinny, finally". Well, now I believe those stories. I can't process the fact that I've actually lost weight. I'm in shock.

Yeah, you're seeing correctly - 311. (LOL, I just realized my post last week says 212, instead of 312 - yeah, I wish.) Anyway, 311. Me? really? I've lost 9 pounds total? Why? How is that possible?

I guess the equation of gym + eating better - fatty foods = weight loss, it's not exactly making sense to me. Then again, I never was good at math.

Well, there you have it, my week in a nutshell, my loss of 1.6 pounds, and all the cake I could (but didn't) eat.


On Friendly's And The Food Therein

I went to Friendly's yesterday. 

I love food, I love eating out. I do not love low fat restaurant choices, and I do not like throwing food away, or eating half or portioning. I do not love any part of making good choices while eating out - or in. 

I wanted it all yesterday, A Honey BBQ Chicken Supermelt Sandwich on white bread with bacon. And fries. And a free Happy Ending Friendly's Sundae. With ketchup. And Ranch dressing. I was hungry, and drooling. Then I had a brilliant moment and realized something.

It may look like this:
 But what I'm really ingesting is this:

Now, ew. Could I really scoop Crisco out of a can and eat it by the spoonful? No. But I may as well if I eat out like that every time I go somewhere. 

I keep that up and then my body looks like this:

 And I end up like this:
 So, moral of the story is - don't go to Friendly's. Alright, not really. But learn to make better choices. I ended up having Honey BBQ Chicken Strips - no cheese, no bacon, no bread, no ranch. And a salad. I did eat fries, but only half of them. And I had a sundae - But it was my anniversary. 
 But I ended up feeling like this:

 And I don't want to feel that way anymore.


1 Year And 5 Pounds - But Not In That Order

What a day. A good day.

Yesterday I had my son's 9th birthday party.  I love parties. I love the fun. the planning, the cake. Especially the cake. Interesting development though - I put a average size piece of cake on my plate, along with an average size scoop of ice cream. I got about halfway through and realized I couldn't finish it! Not because I had gorged myself earlier, or that I was full, I couldn't finish it because it was too sweet! All that sugar, bleh. My taste buds have been rearranged and I am so happy about that. I stuck to some diet soda and had wheat pasta with very little sauce for dinner. I was so proud of myself.

Cake is evil.
I joined the Healthy You Challenge a few days back. I think I may have mentioned it. I was browsing through their blog (site?) and was looking at the buttons. You know, the buttons that a lot of people have in their sidebars - from different challenges or organizations. The ones that say "I lost *insert number here* pounds"? I have been so jealous happy for people when I see them. Then I was looking at HYC and found this beauty:

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

The lovely thing is - I have the right to post that!! I have lost 8 pounds since starting this whole thing, and I am taking that button and putting it on this blog, and I am proud of that. I may have joined HYC after the fact, but only by a margin of about 2 weeks, so I'm claiming the right to post that. Hopefully in a few days that will read 10 pounds gone. I have essentially lost the poundage of a newborn baby. That's kinda cool.

Today is my first year anniversay!! I have been married for exactly one year today - and I am really excited. We're going out tonight - Friendly's (many honeymoon memories there) and then going to see Robin Hood. I am now going to go to Friendly's website and map out what I can eat. I refuse to let eating out destroy everything I have worked for.

So, there's my weekend in a nutshell. Thanks for stopping by, and I'll see you tomorrow!


You Know What I Hate?

1. Underwire bra rashes and bruises. Ok, if we're gonna go there, I hate underwire bras. Sadly, underwire is the only thing keeping my girls from swinging of the floor.

2. Hmm, this may become a anti bra rant. I hate the marks left in my shoulders after I take my bra off at night. It looks like my kid could run a matchbox car race in there.

3. Teeny tiny stiletto heels. Ok, secretly I love them. I want to wear them. I just don't want to look like a fat midget elephant on stilts when I do.

4. The people in the McDonald drive through that ask me if I want to "go large" or "supersize" my food. Honey, I am large, and I've been supersized for the last 10 years. I don't need your help, k thanx bye.

5. Pews. Where's the plus sized, cushioned, padded pews? Didn't think so.

6. Diet food. There's a secret code for it - I think I have it figured out. Sugar free means high fat, Fat free means high calorie, and Low calorie means high sugar. I'm fat and diabetic - guess that means I live on celery for the next year. Yum.

7. While we're talking about food, why is there no healthy food options at the movie theater. Except Coke Zero. Color me ecstatic.

 8. Sugar free candy. Or sugar free chocolate. I thought I had found an out, something to finally look forward to. then I ate a whole bag and spent the night on the toilet. Thanks a lot for teasing me, Russell Stover.

9. Skinny people that pinch their skin and whine "I'm fat". My size zero sister used to do that. Then she got pregnant. Who's laughing now?

10. Fat people that pinch their fat and whine "I'm fat". Duh. You think?


My Eyelids Hurt

I am so tired for no appearant reason. I am sore in places I don't think are supposed to even exist, much less make me sore. Like.....

The neck muscle behind my ear.
My ring finger on my right hand. (I'm left handed.)
My eyelids.
The muscles below the kneecap.
And a couple of other highly unmentionable places. 

So, what kind of not normal is that? I worked out last night, hard - but no harder than usual. I did my regular 2 miles, then added another 0.2 just for kicks. I didn't think 0.2 miles could kick my butt. But it did. I am sore. I even had to beg my husband to go get me a bowl of cereal because I could not get off the couch. Ok, I could get off of the couch, I just didn't want to.

On another note, I have been very, very depressed lately. It's strange because I've been feeling great. But I was sitting at the computer yesterday at about 3PM, and I just instantly felt utterly worthless. It's like all these little voices in my head were yelling at me "fat, lazy, ugly, worthless!" It was horrible. I had no drive, no motivation, I didn't even want to play a video game! (which, for me, is highly unusual). Fortunately my sister asked us over for dinner, so I made myself go. It worked because I'm back to normal. I'm thinking I just had a bad few days because I let my eating get out of control again. And that allowed me to feel disgusting and out of control. It's odd how much my eating determines my moods, isn't it? Hmmm, may have to look into that.

So that's it, that's all that's on my  mind. Ok, it isn't all, but if I wrote it all - we'd be here for days.


Weigh In Wednesday

What a long, irritating week. I had family events, movies to go to, and a birthday to attend. Doesn't sound too horrible, right?

You'd be totally wrong. As someone who is big, hungry and trying to lose weight, this week sucked. I had to contend with birthday cake, nachos and cheese, candy, Rainbow Nerds, pizza, chicken wings and buttery popcorn. And I ate every single one of them. Sometimes twice. Sometimes twice with extra cheese. I was hungry, crampy, tired, cranky and hungry some more. Thanks to mother nature and her impeccable timing, I also had food cravings you wouldn't believe. I cried, begged my husband to go get me chocolate, stomped, yelled and generally acted like an uncontrollable child.

I finally got ahold of myself yesterday, weighed myself this morning and counted up my minutes I exercised. So here are my stats -

I went from 214.00 to 212.6, so that's a loss of  1.4 pounds, I think. (math is not my area of expertise). I also went to the gym, and exercised about 380 minutes this week.

I wasn't too happy. I mean 1.4 pounds? Are you kidding? I just started this thing, and I should be dropping weight. Going from zero exercise to 380 minutes a week??? What is wrong with me?

But then I had an epiphany. I lost 1.4 pounds, while eating nachos with cheese and extra cheese (twice) and pizza. That in itself is no small miracle. In my book, that's the most weight loss I've ever had. I ate normally and lost weight! I must still be doing something right.

Now, I'm not going to continue down that road. I'm back to my regular eating habits, veggies, no cheese, no fat. Being careful. I plan on working harder. I'm not giving up.

But I'm still proud of me.


Ode To My Spanx

Oh, my Spanx. This love of mine, 
That keeps my belly flap in line. 
A marvel of science, so true, so fair, 
You have replaced my underwear.

In you my gut I cinch and stuff, 
with you I can feel thin enough.
I have 3 pairs, black, tan, and white,
that help me feel small and tight.

You give me wedgies, yes, it's true, 
and pinch my flab and stomach too.
My camel toe, on you I blame, 
I have to dig you out, with shame.

My inner organs you rearrange, 
and people seem to find it strange, 
when I unroll and pull you up, 
and tuck you under my large bra cup.

I'll take a shower and put you on, 
though the struggle always goes so long.
Since if I put you on while I am wet,
I end up tired and out of breath.

Come to think of it, I see, 
you really aren't that good for me.
So I'll say so long to you right here, 
and go back to my underwear.


Coming Out Of The Big, Fat Closet

Right about now, after reading this title, I have some friends and family members going:

Say what?

But I'm not talking about that closet. I'm talking about coming out and stating that I'm fat. Yes, you heard me, fat.

Some people don't like fat people - simply because they're fat. Others like fat people, they just don't like talking about it. And still others claim to like us, but they certainly don't want to look at us.

I've been thinking about this post for a while, ever since I started trying to lose weight. My camera wasn't working, and I really wanted to put some pictures up here for everyone to see. So, while I had my mom with me on mothers day - I asked her to take some pictures of me for my blog. She did, but the look on her face was one of pity. She looked at my big, fat stomach and looked like she wanted to cry, gave me a little frown and what I like to call the puppy dog eyes. The "Oh, I'm so sorry that you're so pathetically fat honey" look. Later on, she was trying to email them for me, and they wouldn't come through. So I told her to slap 'em up on facebook, and I'd copy them, then tell her when to take them down. She asked me "are you sure" - as in " why would you want to let people see you like that"?

(In defense of you mom, cuz I know you're gonna read this - I love you and know you just have my best interests at heart. But don't give me the look if I ask you to take pictures, ok?)

And that's when it hit me. Yes, I'm fat. I'm overweight - but why am I so ashamed of it? I mean, why am I going to hide all the pictures, why post the picture of me at the "right angle" and hide the tummy and the big ole behind? Granted I'm not going to wear a thong and show my cellulite to the world - but I'm not going to hide form the full body shot, post the face shot and sit and pretend I look that good all the way down to my toes. It's not fair to myself to pretend I'm something I'm not. I am me, and I'm not going to be ashamed of myself just because I carry some extra weight. My fat is not who I am, it's just what's on me. I was reading logs and came across Dagny's article, entitled 'Considering Oprah and "Women, Food, and God"'... and she was writing about just that sort of thing, not letting your weight define who you are. It was an awesome post - I encourage you to read it.

The bottom line is though -

Here I am, fat and all - if you don't like it, don't look. 

That's it. I'm fat, and now I'm out of the big, fat closet.


Weighing In....

Sooooo.... My Long Hot Active Summer has begun.

Cha. Yeah. Now for the gritty details....drum roll please...

BooYAH. That, I believe, is a difference of 4.2 pounds since my LHAS weigh in.

And  a SIX pound difference from the start of my weight loss journey. I can do this.

This is how I feel right now!

I think some days I think that, no matter how much I exercise or work out - I still won't lose. It's like I feel permanently fat. Plus, I haven't actually lost weight in about 3 years. This is amazing, and so, so....uplifting! I"m very excited for what this summer will bring.

I can change me. I can do this.

I am also throwing this in Diminishing Lucy's fat to fit blog hop - killing 2 birds with one stone!


Why I Do This Here

Ok, Jacksh*t, Gettin' Fit asked for some notecard reasons why we want to lose weight, get fit, get healthy...ect.ect.

Here is my response - NOT for the faint of heart.

Sad, but true. Don't cry too hard cuz I've dealt with it.

See, I'm tougher than you know!

And that would be my nekkid, fat belly. You don't like it - don't look. I'm trying to be brutally honest and chronicle what it's really like to be fat and lose weight. I have many other reasons to lose, one of my other most important ones is my son, Logan. But those are on my Why I Want To Lose Weight page. I thought this was a little more blunt and personal. So there you have it, one day I will look back on this and smile!

You Know What I Hate?

1. People who come and leave crappy anonymous comments. Hit and Run Commentators - go do something useful with yourself. Like, playing in traffic.

2. Why in the hell do the clothing makers assume that big people are twice as wide, instead of  - oh, I don't know - twice as tall.

3. Since when is it ok to make fat women look like they're wearing tablecloths? Or Grandma's curtains?

4. Exercise. I mean, that's obvious, but I still hate it.

5. Kids that laugh at fat people. Really, your parents have provided you with video games, dvd players, snack foods, cell phones, and iPods. Do you really have so little to do that you feel the need to point and stare? Go tell your parents to beat you for a week please, you little jerks.

6. On that note - why do some adults feel the need to yell "Shamu!" at you while walking down the street? I'm not the one drunk on my porch yelling things at strangers, loser.

7. The way skinny people stare at you when you work out. How else am I ever supposed to get skinny? Working out at home isn't working out for me - obviously. Duh.

8. Fat people that go to a restaurant and order the teeniest salad possible. C'mon - you're either pretending to care, or starving yourself stupid. Neither one is very healthy for you.

9. Folding chairs. Hard. Small. Metal. 'Nuff said.

10. Chocolate, Cheesecake and Mashed Potatoes. The trifecta of flabby arms and large bellies. Actually, it's more of a love/hate relationship - but who's counting?

In Her Eyes

Hrmm.  Seth over at Fit With A Purpose asked a cool question.

What's your favorite part of your body?

Wow. I get so hung up on what's wrong with my body, that I don't often take the time out to find what I do like. I used to - but that was when i was 100 pounds lighter. Memories...

Anyway, I thought I'd answer the question and throw it up here. (I think that's a total of 3 posts in one day....I must be bored...) And post it with a pic.

So, my favorite part of me is my eyes. I'd say it was my face, but my face has a lot of chins right now - so I narrowed it down to the eyes. I love them, the color, the shape. I just do. My mom used to call me her alien baby because my eyes had flecks of gold in them. Just a bit of info, and a just reassuring myself that I still have something going for me. (<---sarcasm, please don't think I need major therapy just from making that comment.)

Well, there ya go. Thanks for the question, and thanks for a reason to compliment myself.  I needed it.



Ok, here it is.

Wait a minute, I gotta psych myself up for this. (inhale, exhale) Let's do this.

My pics. My very first, holy crap how did I get so fat, pictures of my self. I'm doing this for My Long Hot Active Summer Challenge, from here on out known as LHAS, because I'm not typing all that every time I weight in.

I'm procrastinating.

Here's my front,

My side, 

And my scale pic.

Yeah, I messed with that one a little, because my feet are so ugly. U.L.G.Y. (and I ain't got no alibi..)

So, this is the pinnacle of braveness for me. My husband was taking these, and I was making jokes about being fat - and my son pipes up "you're not fat mommy!". He's 9, I wish the world saw me through his eyes!

And there you have it, me in all my natural glory - minus Spanx and gut suckers of any kind. Hopefully by the end of this summer I'll see a real difference.


Ahhh. After a whole weekend of excuses and treating myself (I can have some fun dip - it's Mother's Day!) I am off to the gym, and then I'm going to buy myself a scale. My very own "get your fat butt off the couch" motivational tool. It could become the next plant stand, or my son's new favorite toy instead, but I prefer to remain optimistic. I've gotten 6 hours of (broken) sleep on a couch. but I am going to the gym.

I need to work out more then a few times a week. I've entered into a contest? competition? over at Long Hot Active Summer, and I must lose a decent amount of weight. I don't care if I win (though that would be cool) but I have to at least lose something, or I'll always be the little engine who couldn't. So there you have it, I'll be back with my scale, and some pics. (hooray.)


Ugly Cupcake

I'm an ugly cupcake.

Now before everyone starts going  -"oh no, you're so pretty", "think positive things!" and "hummina wha?", let me explain.

First off - you can read the ugly cupcake post over at The Fat Chick Weigh. If you don't feel like doing that, then.....oh well, I guess you're screwed. Now I'm supposed to blog about why I'm an ugly cupcake.

I ain't perfect (wow, ain't didn't show up in my spellcheck....just sayin') and I never have been. I have wiggle and jiggle and junk in the trunk. I have cellulite, and moles and skin tags (oh, my!). My flab has flab, and my stretch marks have stretch marks. To my credit, I have a pretty face. I'm one of the people that can take a great face shot - but you scroll down to the rest.....and BAM, fat girl surprise. I was always the "pretty sister" in a family of skinny people. I eat celery and gain weight, they eat chocolate and lose it. (thank you once again, universe) Now I'm at the point where, even if I lose my weight, I will still have stretchmarks and skin tags.

Yeah, that's me.
I used to cling to my beauty as hard as I could. It made me valid, made me worth something, even if my body was worth nothing. My mom once told me that you had to be thin to get a man, because men were attracted to women by how they look, not how personable they were. (I still love you, Mom.) But as I age and begin to realize I will never be that skinny girl - I can let go of holding on so hard to my face. It's not the only thing that makes me beautiful anymore. I am beautiful because I am. I am beautiful because even though I have a belly flap, I have the strength to admit that I need to change it. I'm stronger than most cupcakes, and that makes me valid and beautiful.

So I'll be an ugly cupcake, but this ugly cupcake is hawt.


The Universe Hates Me

"Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen."

I'm sorry, Ralph Waldo Emerson - but you are full of crap.

I've decided many things in my life - some are realistic, some are not. For example - "I want to do the dishes" (reasonable) and "I want to win the swimsuit competition at the Miss Universe pageant" (not so much). But the biggest, baddest, humdinger of a wish is usually - "I want to lose weight". Boy, if I had a nickel for every time..... you know how it goes.

My universe does not, in any way, shape or form, help me to accomplish anything. You want to know why?

My Future Home.
Let's start with gravity, shall we? Gravity is evil. If I lived on Mars, I'd weigh approximately 120.64 pounds. Such a beautiful number. But here on good ol' earth, I am a heavy and painful 320 pounds. It takes effort to get up in the morning, to make my food, and don't get me started on how hard it is to wash my back or shave my legs. Gross - but bluntly true. When the government finally does something with all the money it spends on space exploration - and we can live on Mars - I will be a happy person. Until then, I will keep fighting the universe.

The universe, ahh..the universe. The universe decided that my home should be ridden with bedbugs. Ew. Icky. Yuck. These little pests found their way to my home through some acquaintances  who decided to pull in a couch off the curb. Said acquaintances live above my in-laws house, and I believe that the nasty buggers found their way to me while I was over there. (how's that for trying to make sure I don't look like a a dirty person?) Either way - we got them here in my house. Then they decided to nest in my bed. So who do they bite? Me. Not my husband, but Me. I had bites covering my arms and legs. Wish I had taken pictures, I could have sold them to Guinness for the most bugbites on a single person. And if anyone's been bitten by bugs - you know they itch. And when you itch, you can't sleep. Not to mention - we had to get rid of our entire bed, and spent too much money on supplies to get rid of the nasty things. So I am sleeping on the couch, and my husband sleeps in a papa san chair. A chair! I'm 500 kinds of achy and tired. The universe is not my friend.

Food. Where do I begin here? I can't escape it, I can't run and hide from it. It's everywhere I look. You ever read magazines like Woman's day, or the ones they sell for around $2? Most of those give you "tips" on how to lose weight, and then - in the same issue - they give you 30 pages of recipes. And are they low - fat, fat - free, low - cal, low anything? Nope. It's all about fat, and butter and salt. And I just love TV. Oh boy - that's my favorite. I can't watch anything - ever. There's commercials for Wendy's, Applebee's, Baskin Robbins, TGI Friday's, I could go on forever. There's one food commercial I can watch - Subway. They motivate me. (5, 5 dollar, 5 dollar footlong..any,any,any...) Food is everywhere. Gas Stations, the mall, the movies, my own home. I have to have it to survive, but why did the universe have to come up with things like, sugar. Or chocolate.

The universe did not make anything plus size. Except caftans. Or beds. That's about it. The movie theater seats squish my hips. The seat belt in the car is a danger zone and I firmly believe it will kill me instead of save me if I ever got into and accident. It slides above my boobs and chokes me half to death. I have to put the chest strap back behind my head - if I can manage to buckle it. Gyms - don't get me started there. All the seats are tiny. The bicycle seat gave me a wedgie, and the equipment does not allow for anyone to have a belly. I have to be a contortionist to fit into some of those machines. Booths at restaurants are - 95% of the time - too small. I always have to check and see if the table slides before I sit down. Amusement parks - forget it. Last time I rode the bumper cars I almost gave myself a hernia.
Ok, this is not my butt. But this is how I feel when I go to the movies.

So, that's how the universe treats me. It's not nice, not friendly, and it's not exactly helping me achieve my goals. Thanks a lot, universe.


Eating and Autopilot

Ok. This eating right thing is way harder than I thought. Way harder. Way. Harder.

I woke up today hungry (as usual) and went to the kitchen. I reached for my usual breakfast of 4 eggs (with cheese) and 4 pieces of toast (with butter). I had them out of the fridge and ready to crack before my brain screamed "What are you doing?????" at me. I immediately halted, returned eggs to the fridge and went for the Honey Nut Cheerios. Generic, of course - but who's looking? I walked over to the cupboard and went to get my tub of butter sized bowl that I use for soup, ice cream and cereal. In fact, I think it may have been a tub of butter once, but now I use it so I can have 3 helpings of anything all at once. Without having to get back up off the couch to go and get the 2nd and 3rd helping. The bowl wasn't there, and I was on autopilot looking for it - before I realized that 3 bowls of anything was about as bad as 4 eggs. I thought I was being healthy - but it turns out I wasn't even thinking. At all. Period. I finally got myself a real bowl (not a mini mixing bowl) of cereal, and sat down to eat, read, network and blog.

Yep. There it is, my "cereal" bowl.
What truly bothers me is the amount of food that must be making its way to my mouth before I realize it. I can sit down and scarf a whole tray of Oreos before I've even consciously thought about it. I can't do that with Little Debbie snacks - but only because I have to open each individual snack. I go to McD's and order 3 double cheeseburgers, and don't consider what I'm eating until I get halfway home. How do I keep track of my food, when I subconsciously eat? Sure, I caught myself today - but how do I always remain on guard? Grr.

Well, aside from my food difficulties, I have decided that I need to workout at home as well as at the gym. I want to achieve a total of 25 workouts a month - hence the ticker at the top of the page. I don't think I'm going to lose much weight unless I'm more active at home. I actually went to the gym and discovered I had gained a pound. Gained?!?!?! My friend C insists that it's all muscle. I'm going to believe that for now.

So, in short - 25 workouts, eat right. Ok. I can do this.