Slap A Bitch

During all this time that I haven't blogged because I'm lazy for personal reasons, I have learned a few things about myself that I'd like to share.

1. "If there is food, I will eat it."

I hear this in my head throughout the day, with a Field of Dreams whisper - "If you cook it, Flabby will come." Truly. So now I have this weird baseball/Kevin Costner/food connection in my mind that just won't go away. I am now associating food with dead baseball players and corn fields. Lovely.

What I've learned, though, is not to buy snacky food and keep it in the house. Not for the husband, or the kid. They can all eat healthy right along with me - because if it's in the cupboard, I will eat it. Period.

2. Being fat colors every aspect of my life.

 Usually it's the color black. Anyway, I took my son to the movies Sunday for some mommy time. (I'm awesome. I know. That and I really wanted to see Real Steel again.) The whole time we were watching the movies, these horrible, awful , rotten teenage girls kept kicking my seat. I'm pretty sure they were using it for a footrest. It was extremely annoying, but I never said anything. The only, and I mean only reason I said nothing was this: I didn't want to hear her yell "fat bitch" at me. Or say anything that included the word fat in it. That is my singular fear at the moment. Being called fat when I stick up for myself. It plays out in my mind like this:

Me: Excuse me, could you stop kicking my chair please?

Stupid Teenage Girl: Shut up you fat bitch.

Then the scenario gets ugly because I punch her in the face and break her purty teeth. That part is fun to imagine.

You know you want to...

But it's sad I won't say anything because I'm scared of being called fat in public. Like they didn't already notice, because I wore my skinny jeans that day.

Whatever. The point is, I'm tired of being scared to live because of my weight. It's getting old, and the more I sit around at home, the fatter I'm gonna get.

Lessons learned.


I'm Really Here

I'm here, I'm really still here.

As most of you know - I've been a little broke. Ok, a little is not the correct term, but whatever. I'm broke. So on the grand list of things not so important - or more accurately, bills we don't exactly need to pay because we can live without it - was my Time Warner rip off bill. And so I had no Internet for a bit. Then my brother generously let me piggyback on his wireless connection, but it took a while to figure it out.

And the homeschooling thing is really taking a lot out of me. In a good way. I homeschool for about 5 hours a day. I have to really be on top of this because:

a. I can't let my son's education go down the drain. I had many reasons for homeschooling, and one of them was to help him catch up where the public school has failed me. So I homeschool a lot. A lot.

b. Here in New York he has to have a standardized test. So if I suck at this - the universe will know. And he'll be forced to go back to school.

Just to clarify - I don't have an issue with public schools. I have issues with a string of bad teachers combined with a string of overworked teachers. I also have issues with bullying, 8 years olds talking about having sex, and bus drivers that holler at my kid. Those things, along with the fact that my son's father (my ex-husband) committed suicide last May...well. Yeah.

I am still here. Promise. But I have to cut back my posting time a little. Think I'll commit to 2 times a week, and one day a week for making blog rounds and commenting. That's a minimum, so if I'm up to doing more - I will.

Thanks for stickin' around....see you later.