Inner Evil Self: Yeah, there's cake in the kitchen you know.
Me: Yes, I'm perfectly aware - you fat idiot pig. Shut up and let me sleep.
Inner Evil Self: It has roses. Big flower roses.
Me: Oh, no really? You think? I'm trying to lose weight here, and all you want to do is eat. Mainly sugar.
Inner Evil Self: So eat cheese. Cheese is good.
Me: Not helping. My butt itches. And I need to sleep.
Inner Evil Self: You sleep better after you eat, ya know.
Me: Liar. And my butt still itches. So either help me out with that or shut the heck up.
Inner Evil Self: Ha! You can't reach your butt. So deal. We have cheese in the kitchen too.
Me: What is with you? can't you just help me out for once?? That would be nice - or shocking, take your pick.
Inner Evil Self: What fun would that be? OMG - Adam Lambert is on MTV.
Me: Kill me now. Did you just Oh-Em-Gee me?
Inner Evil Self: I'm trying but you won't let me. Big frosting roses, one's pink.
Me: I hate pink.
Inner Evil Self: Then the other one's yellow.
Me: I don't like yellow either, so there.
Inner Evil Self: You know you act like a child when you're hungry?
Me: So I've been told. Adam Lambert wears too much makeup and his music sucks.
Inner Evil Self: So do his videos, but that's not what we were talking about. Cake. You have cake. It even has your name on it.
Me: I hate you.
Inner Evil Self: Oh. No. My. Feelings. Are. So. Hurt.
Me: I'm tired. And I wish this song would end. What in the world happened to MTV?
Inner Evil Self: Talk shows, reality TV and Adam Lambert. CAKE.
Me: Oh yeah. NO. No cake.
Inner Evil Self: At least go lick the frosting off the edge of the plate. It'll be fun, I promise.
Me: You are the devil.
Inner Evil Self: Nah, he's busy helping Adam Lambert write music.
Me: Huh. I guess. I'd go to sleep but I itch.
Inner Evil Self: Eat Cake.
Inner Evil Self: YES!
Me: Just kidding. Gotcha!
Inner Evil Self: You suck.
Me: Now you know how it feels. I'm going to bed.
This is what happens when you're still up at 5am.