Ode To My Spanx

Oh, my Spanx. This love of mine, 
That keeps my belly flap in line. 
A marvel of science, so true, so fair, 
You have replaced my underwear.

In you my gut I cinch and stuff, 
with you I can feel thin enough.
I have 3 pairs, black, tan, and white,
that help me feel small and tight.

You give me wedgies, yes, it's true, 
and pinch my flab and stomach too.
My camel toe, on you I blame, 
I have to dig you out, with shame.

My inner organs you rearrange, 
and people seem to find it strange, 
when I unroll and pull you up, 
and tuck you under my large bra cup.

I'll take a shower and put you on, 
though the struggle always goes so long.
Since if I put you on while I am wet,
I end up tired and out of breath.

Come to think of it, I see, 
you really aren't that good for me.
So I'll say so long to you right here, 
and go back to my underwear.


Results Not Typical Girl said...

Oh my goodness gracious. Too damn funny! I have one pair of spanx, but they have died of boredom at the bottom of my underwear pile. Great poem! Go to my blog and do a search for Easter and you can see my own attempt at channeling my amateur poetic voice, ha!

Amen sistah! Thanks for the giggles! :) - Kirsten

Yum Yucky said...

bauwahahahaha! camel toe. Ya, underwear rock.

Crystal Roberts said...


JourneyBeyondSurvival said...

But...the...split crotch!

It is so worth it! Especially when wearing a gown.

Have you ever worn the kind that make you take them down to go pee? I swear, the stall shrinks the moment my body expands out of them. Like those biscuits in a can. Ka-BOOM.