Things I Hate Doing Because I'm Fat.

1. Taking Showers

I do. I'm not dirty, I'm not gross - I just hate trying to wash my back. And my ginormous thighs. I can't even reach my shoulder blades, and I don't like bending over to wash my feet. I just don't. It's freaking exhausting.

2. Walking

Because it's work. Duh. I sweat, I wheeze, and I don't like it.

3. Stairs.

My lord. Stairs. The bane of my existence. They make my knees hurt and my legs ache. Every house in America should have an elevator. But then we'd all be fat, and then what would Hollywood do? Jeez. Can't make everyone happy...

4. Getting into a boat. 

Have you ever tried it - while weighing 300 pounds? No? Go try it, then after you've dried off - you can blog about it too.

5. Amusement Parks.

I don't fit. Enough said.

6. Sitting in a booth.

Have you ever found a plus size booth? I didn't think so.

7. Sitting on the floor.

Because, let's face it - then I have to get back up.

8. Jumping or Running

I'm not sure if this is because I'm fat or my boobs are flippin' huge. Let me reassure you, it totally is possible to give yourself a black eye. With your boob. Really.

9. Pictures

They say the camera adds 10 pounds. It doesn't. It adds a hundred and fifty of them. I don't really look this large. Really.

10. Sex

Ok, I lied. I like sex as much as the next girl. But moving the belly flap out of the way to do it? Sad. Just sad. 

That's just the truth folks, with a little dash of sarcastic humor thrown in. Enjoy.


Michele said...

This is a great post o look back on as you continue to shed pounds. If you stick with it, I am guessing these will no longer be on your "things I hate" list. You can do this and you will. It takes time. Give yourself time...

Anna said...

I'm with you on all of these. And I'd like to add one - Riding on an airplane. On the last trip I took, I flew from Dallas-Ft. Worth to Charlotte, NC with no seatbelt because I happened to be in one of those odd seats with less room. (I was able to successfully buckle my seatbelt on all 3 other flights of that trip.) Thank Jeebus the Great that nothing bad happened or I would have been a goner. And not to mention the fact that I had to hold the seatbelt over and hide the fact that it didn't buckle from every flight attendant that walked by. Fun times, let me tell ya!

Chubby McGee said...

Amen, sister. Amen.

I hear you on 'em all. I can even recall a time when I went on a roller coaster and the guy hurt the hell out of my thighs trying to squish the safety bar down on them. Ugh. Mortifying.

Lisa said...

I hear ya on the running! I used to have no issues with it. I was in the Navy and did plenty of it! But then I had my daughter & my boobs were suddenly ginormous. I suffered for 3 years until my enlistment was up, then got out. Now I don't run unless chased.

And don't get me started on jumping jacks!!!

Thursday's Child said...

My dad's house is on three floors, with two flights of stairs between floors, I live in the room between the 2nd and 3rd floor so it's three flights every time I leave my shoes or my phone in my room.

J said...

Hah you make me laugh. All of those are way too true. Except for some reason showers are actually an escape for me. (when alone). It's completely me time. I'm sure I'll love them 100 times more after I've lost a human but... haha I love your blog!!

Sarah said...

Great post! I got a giggle out of most of these and thought "I'm with you!"

Sarah @ Thinfluenced

P.S. New follower!