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9/14/11

The World On Your Shoulders

I am so very frustrated.

I'm trying not to be. I'm trying to be positive, and upbeat.



It's not working very well.






You know that scene in a movie - where someone is standing on the edge of something very tall? Like a building, or a bridge, or a cliff. Then they close their eyes, spread their arms wide, and just sort of.....fall backward, into nothingness. All peaceful like, with a sad, strange smile on their face.



No? Well, I'm sure it's in some movie somewhere, and if it's not - it ought to be.

I feel like that person. Like I'm on the edge of nothing. I am nothing. I feel nothing. I accomplish nothing. And nothing is waiting for me at the bottom of the black hole.

I could try and list everything, but it may depress you. It involves money, lack of willpower, money, lack of motivation and...money. Yeah. I think we've all been there.

I need a plan. I'm just...lost. There's hundreds of little things swirling around in my brain but I just can't get a grip on any of them. Elusive little things - ideas. Where do I start? What do I do? Eat healthy - with a $200 a month grocery budget? Join a gym? When I can't even pay my rent? I feel weighted down with worries and cares, and I would like it to stop now.

Please, make it stop.


PS - I kid you not. As I finished typing this - my mom called. My sister is in the ER and I have to watch her 3 (small) children at 6am. And I watch my 1 year old niece today. And I have to homeschool my son, deal with my landlord, catch up on all the laundry that was in my flooded basement - and God knows what else. The hits just keep on comin'.

6 comments:

Lisa said...

{{hugs}} !!!

Miss Angie said...

I tried to respond to your post on my blog about the zombie card game, but your email isn't enabled.

You can order a copy here:

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/555607064/eaten-by-zombies-deckbuilding-to-die-for-game

There are all sorts of packages with this initial chance to get it. :) My friend worked really hard on it and I'm excited for him! :)

As for your actual post, I feel you. It's so difficult and frustrating-I'm not even sure how to fix it myself. All we can do is make the little steps we can and hope that the rest falls in to place.

Good luck out there!

Chubby McGee said...

I wonder if we're related. LOL!

Thursday's Child said...

Sorry to hear the other challenge fell through, but their loss is our (metaphorical) gain! Welcome to the challenge!

I'm sorry to hear you're having trouble with both motivation and money. Hopefully the challenge will help you with the first at least! As for the second, I used to be in quite a bit of credit card debt (just under $5000-ish) so I know that kind of something-is-sitting-on-my-chest feeling of worry not having money can give. Even on $200 a month you can eat a healthy diet! Beans are a great example of something that is very cheap and good for you (if you are willing t have the extra fuss of using dried vs canned they get even cheaper), so making things like chilli in a big batch that you can divide and freeze is a good way to ensure you have something healthy ready to eat when your hungry (which will help your weight loss efforts) at a good price. Other than that check out sales and coupons, what can you make for what's going cheap at the moment? There's tons of recipe sites on line that can help you eat properly while not spending a fortune, you can do it.

MB said...

I pray things start turning around for you. Sometimes it helps to focus on the things we are able to control but it's hard not to feel overwhelmed when things keep piling up. Take care of yourself and know that things will get better. Keep the faith.

Lazy Girl said...

:( I dont quite know what to say, but you sound very similar to myself. Here if you need anyone to talk to, and lots of ((HUGS))