So, by now everyone's pretty much figured out that I had a bad day yesterday.
Flabby McGee's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.
Except that the end of it turned out quite well. I ate great yesterday, Turkey sandwiches, yogurt, strawberries, cucumbers...Yum. I'm getting hungry thinking about it. Anyway - I was proud of myself for getting back on track there.
Then my gym buddy told me she couldn't go to the gym. (she has 5 children- 'nuff said.) I was disappointed, and started getting depressed.
Then I told myself to knock it the heck off. So I got up, and went to the gym.
All by myself.
So, I'm proud of me. I am petrified of gyms, and I'm scared of what others might say. It's hard enough for me to get to the gym with my best friend, much less alone. But I realized yesterday that I need to be there, probably more so than anyone else. I realized that that makes me stronger than most - to admit what I need to fix, and fix it. I also realized that no one knows who I am or why I'm there.
For all they know -
I could be Brunhilda, the heavyweight division wrestling champion of Germany.
I could be making $100 an hour testing gyms to see if they're good enough for fat people.
I could be undergoing a sex change operation and bulking up for the future.
I could be a detective staking out a drug running ring at my local gym.
I could be a famous actor in a fat suit trying to do research for my latest film.
I could be a Biggest Loser candidate, getting ready to work out 8 hours a day.
I realized that they don't know me, they don't know who I am, and they especially don't know what I've achieved.
They see a fat girl on a treadmill,
I see a girl who's lost 13 pounds.
I see a girl who couldn't walk up the stairs, but now can go 2 miles on an elliptical.
I see a girl who's conquered her eating problems.
I see a girl who is brutally honest with herself.
I see a girl who is strong - inside and out.