You're Not The Boss Of Me Now

I woke up this morning, thinking about food.

Well, to be fair, I fell asleep last night, thinking about food. As usual. And like I said, I woke up this morning - thinking,
"Oh boy, what's in my fridge...I'm starving." (and no, I'm not really starving. I'm to fat to be starving to death, trust me.) Anyway, I raced downstairs to find me some food and the most amazing thing happened.

I stopped and actually thought about what I was going to eat.

And that, my friends - is a miracle. Not a small one either.

I read a post a few days ago at Waisting Time. One of her readers asked her a question - basically, 'what are your goals?' It was a good question, and to be honest - I don't really have any goals other than "Be skinny, dammit!" But one of her responses was this:

I want to control food instead of food controlling me.

And I thought - Woah. Seriously. Not only does food control me, it whips me and beats me and owns my every action. Really - everything I do is based on food. Like, if I have money and want to go out, my brain automatically starts listing my favorite restaurants and what their menus are. What foods haven't I been able to eat lately and which are my favorite ones. I don't think about movies, or bookstores or even clothes shopping. I think about food first.

Or, if I'm depressed I run to the fridge and see what goodies it may be hiding. And I look forward to Holiday feasts with a fervor that is not completely normal.

It only gets worse. I will go to the kitchen, grab the easiest thing to eat (for example..a bag of candy, chips, cookies...get the picture?) and eat a whole bag/sleeve/carton. Then I look down and see an empty bag/box in my hand - it feels like I'm coming out of a small coma - and I think to myself - "Holy crap. Did I really just eat that??" I don't even remember. It's scary.

And eating just one. Or two. Or five of anything is a joke in my house. That's one of the main dieting tips, right? Eat just a few? HA. If I eat one, it usually means I'm going to eat them all. The whole bag. The whole carton. The whole box. There is absolutely zero amount of self control going on here.

So, is food my boss. Yup. But that's got to change. Fortunately for me, I actually thought about it this morning before I ate anything. So I'm going to try and plan out my eating for the whole day. Maybe tattoo it on my forehead. Or my butt - there's more room there.

Anyway, today I start controlling food. I'm going to fire food as my boss. Or technically, I guess I quit - since you can't fire a boss. Hmm, not sure how that works since I've never been a boss...but I'm the boss now! Of food! And I fire it! Wait. I need some food...

Oh crap. Well, I guess I'm just going to start thinking about what I eat and being more careful. No more food marathons at midnight and no more scarfing before thinking.

So now it's time to go make my breakfast (2 over medium eggs on wheat toast and cottage cheese) and be healthy today. About time too, because I'm starving....


Happy Fun Pants said...

I've had the same reactions lately to food - and I think blogging about it always helps.

For me, when I notice that I'm scarfing down the whole thing (carton, sleeve, box, pint, etc.) it's because I'm trying to numb out aspects of my life.

In fact, I wrote about it today.

But it's not so happy and fun or really's kind of icky. But you know, addressing it works.

Waisting Time said...

I was so laughing when you wrote out your one goal:)

I'm glad that post got you thinking. And that you "get it." One thing I love about the blog world is when we can relate to other bloggers and what they experience and feel.

One piece of this for me is that I don't want to have to even think about it anymore. I just want to eat, habit, healthy. Sigh.

A New Dawn For Me said...

you did make me smile...and thats pretty clever after all, weight loss isn't fun or funny. Good on you!
I will follow your blog

Jules said...

Came over after seeing you on Jack's Width....glad I did...I will be back..

Lucky girl said...

Glad I'm not the only one that does this!! Good step in the right direction though!! Stopping to think about what you are going to eat I think is one the hardest things to do!!

New Outlook Fitness said...

i love your honesty...youll get there, dont give up!