Slap A Bitch

During all this time that I haven't blogged because I'm lazy for personal reasons, I have learned a few things about myself that I'd like to share.

1. "If there is food, I will eat it."

I hear this in my head throughout the day, with a Field of Dreams whisper - "If you cook it, Flabby will come." Truly. So now I have this weird baseball/Kevin Costner/food connection in my mind that just won't go away. I am now associating food with dead baseball players and corn fields. Lovely.

What I've learned, though, is not to buy snacky food and keep it in the house. Not for the husband, or the kid. They can all eat healthy right along with me - because if it's in the cupboard, I will eat it. Period.

2. Being fat colors every aspect of my life.

 Usually it's the color black. Anyway, I took my son to the movies Sunday for some mommy time. (I'm awesome. I know. That and I really wanted to see Real Steel again.) The whole time we were watching the movies, these horrible, awful , rotten teenage girls kept kicking my seat. I'm pretty sure they were using it for a footrest. It was extremely annoying, but I never said anything. The only, and I mean only reason I said nothing was this: I didn't want to hear her yell "fat bitch" at me. Or say anything that included the word fat in it. That is my singular fear at the moment. Being called fat when I stick up for myself. It plays out in my mind like this:

Me: Excuse me, could you stop kicking my chair please?

Stupid Teenage Girl: Shut up you fat bitch.

Then the scenario gets ugly because I punch her in the face and break her purty teeth. That part is fun to imagine.

You know you want to...

But it's sad I won't say anything because I'm scared of being called fat in public. Like they didn't already notice, because I wore my skinny jeans that day.

Whatever. The point is, I'm tired of being scared to live because of my weight. It's getting old, and the more I sit around at home, the fatter I'm gonna get.

Lessons learned.


Bluezy said...

I got into it with a lady once who I knew was going to immediately call me a "fat bitch". I tried to think of what I could return with as we yelled at each other. I noticed she had NO EYEBROWS. I go "well well you got got-no-eyebrows-bitch". We ended up being friends. This is way back history. If you know some bitch with no her name Faith? Lost contact years ago.

Fatoutofskinny said...

I've never been worried about being called fat in public.....sort of stating the obvious!!! I'm usually with my husband at the movies.....he's 6' 3" and built like a line backer, he says something.....funny I don't usually have any more problems....don't figure! If I were on my own, think I would just ask them to stop and if I got lip I'd just get up and get the manager! I'm not somebody who usually takes crap from people and I can usually give as good as I get!!

The Orange Kitteh said...

One time a co-worker and I got into a heated argument. I was tired of doing her job AND mine. When I confronted her, she said I was "just jealous because she was thin and I was fat". I got sooooooooo angry, and almost couldn't say anything...until the middle school kid part of my mind took over and I blurted out "I can lose weight, but YOU can't fix stupid!" I stalked off, I was upset....but you know, I was mostly upset for resorting to her level. I am better than that. I totally fear confrontation...but I have also learned that bullies come in all shapes and ages, and gosh darn it I'm too old to be bullied anymore!! So I do my best to stand up for myself. Because if I don't, how can I expect anyone else too?

karen said...

One of my greatest fears is that it'll get to Johnny at school. I don't want him to be the kid with "The Fat Mom." I was that kid and I still remember all the teasing & ridicule I was dealt because of her weight. As young as 1st grade. Kids can be mean.

SG said...

oh, kill me! that is soooo true. i feel the exact way. why???? its so dumb!

Chubby McGee said...

OMG! One of my biggest fears is being called "fat" in public. I've had enough of it, already, to last a lifetime, time...OUCH. It burns.


J said...

(Haven't visited in awhile, just catching up!) Do you ever WANT to say something and play out the scenarios in your head. Like for instance sitting in the theater and you desperately want to tell the inconsiderate person behind you to knock it off, so you think of your defence. Just exactly what to say. Some of the other comments on here I would have definitely said. I wouldn't have felt bad either. You are stooping to ones level but you're standing up for yourself and not a lot of people do that. I have some great combacks filed away in my head waiting for the less than clever bitch to come along and call me fat... and then a year from now I'd like to find them again and say something like.. "are you still an inconsiderate bitch with a god complex?"... It'll happen, and I'll feel great. As will all of you.. (:

Maggie said...

Oh my goodness, I'm right there with you ..on both counts. Alright, maybe not with the dead baseball player analogy cos that's your own freaky weirdness shining through in an awesome way.

Say something next time...the people might surprise you. And if they don't surprise you, then slap a bitch!

Happy Fun Pants said...

Wow. I'm exactly the same way...and I had no idea until I read your post. I don't stand up for myself so much in public because I'm worried someone will mention the completely obvious thing about me.

I'll have to think on this more - but I've never really thought of myself as a person who shies away from things...but I definitely shy away in situations where I think my weight will be commented on. rock. You're funny as all get out and you get me thinking about shit I wouldn't normally. One of the very many reasons I heart your blog (and that I've missed it).