Who Cares?

I've been thinking a lot lately. 

I've realized that I think too much about what other people think. I'm learning not to - but I still freak out about what others think. Here's some of my thought processes:

If I wear high heels I think - "Are people going to think I'm stupid for wearing heels? Am I too fat to wear heels?"

If I put candy in my grocery cart I think - "Who's watching? Are they laughing?"

If I run I think - "Who's waiting for me to get a black eye? Are they watching?"

If I play in the park with my son I think - "Who's waiting for the swings to break?"

So I got to thinking about what everyone else thinks. And I see that I need to not care. (still following me?) There have been a lot of people who don't care what people think. 

Like this:

What if Michael Jackson was too afraid to introduce the idea of a concept music video?

 We wouldn't have Thriller.

What if George Lucas was unsure of his intergalactic space stories?

No Star Wars.

What if John Lennon hadn't been confident enough to start a band?

There would have been no Beatles.

These people changed our worlds. Our Music. Our Movies. We wouldn't be who we are today if it wasn't for them. So I have to ask myself - what can I change simply by being who I really am? Lady GaGa is dresses like an escaped lunatic, Marilyn Monroe looked like a floozy most of the time, and Elvis wore white jumpsuits and curled his lip. 

They didn't care. Why should I?

Just When You Think You Have Life Figured Out....

You wake up sick.

Don't get me wrong, I'm actually having a great week!

I ate horribly this weekend, dealt with a sick kid and a sick husband, helped run a baby shower, and worked out 2 days in a row. In a row. So all in all, yeah - it's been good.

Officially, today is Weigh In Wednesday. I woke up with a sore throat today, my son has now missed a week of school, and we're all wandering around trying to get better. My poor kid - he's such a trooper. I'm going to have a mommy moment here. He's had a double ear infection for about a week, and he's been having asthma attacks because of his allergies. The kid had been hacking up a lung for a week straight. It's enough to make you want to cry. He's on the mend now, but it's been a long week in that area.

Here's the thing though - I stepped on the scale today and realized I haven't lost an ounce. I haven't gained an ounce either. I have been through all that and I stayed the same - because I got back on track, worked out and ate right. I fell off of the fatwagon - and I got back on! I did not give up - and I usually do.

It's been a week of self-discovery, friends. A good one. And even though I'm now sick - I'm not giving up, I'm not using it as an excuse to ruin all I've worked for. I'm going to rest, get better, and be back full force as soon as I'm well!

Welcome, Brunhilda

So, by now everyone's pretty much figured out that I had a bad day yesterday.

Flabby McGee's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

Except that the end of it turned out quite well. I ate great yesterday, Turkey sandwiches, yogurt, strawberries, cucumbers...Yum. I'm getting hungry thinking about it. Anyway - I was proud of myself for getting back on track there.
Then my gym buddy told me she couldn't go to the gym. (she has 5 children- 'nuff said.) I was disappointed, and started getting depressed.

Then I told myself to knock it the heck off. So I got up, and went to the gym.

All by myself.

So, I'm proud of me. I am petrified of gyms, and I'm scared of what others might say. It's hard enough for me to get to the gym with my best friend, much less alone. But I realized yesterday that I need to be there, probably more so than anyone else. I realized that that makes me stronger than most - to admit what I need to fix, and fix it. I also realized that no one knows who I am or why I'm there.

For all they know -

I could be Brunhilda, the heavyweight division wrestling champion of Germany.

I could be making $100 an hour testing gyms to see if they're good enough for fat people.

I could be undergoing a sex change operation and bulking up for the future.

I could be a detective staking out a drug running ring at my local gym.

I could be a famous actor in a fat suit trying to do research for my latest film.

I could be a Biggest Loser candidate, getting ready to work out 8 hours a day.

I realized that they don't know me, they don't know who I am, and they especially don't know what I've achieved.

They see a fat girl on a treadmill,

I see a girl who's lost 13 pounds.
I see a girl who couldn't walk up the stairs, but now can go 2 miles on an elliptical.
I see a girl who's conquered her eating problems.
I see a girl who is brutally honest with herself.
I see a girl who is strong - inside and out.

I felt awesome. So, I guess it wasn't a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day after all.

I'm Tired

I'm so tired.

Tired of not eating cake.

So I ate some.

Tired of not eating chocolate.

So I ate some.

Tired of not drinking soda.

So I drank some.

Tired of getting up and going to the gym.

So I didn't go.

Tired of worrying about what I eat.

So I ate everything I could.

And now I'm sick. And tired. Now I'm tired of being lazy. And I'm tired of not focusing, and I'm tired of not having any self control. I'm tired of being a bum. And I'm tired of being fat.

My mother always told me - Change only comes when the pain of staying the same is more then the pain of change. Looks like she was right.

Yeah, I'm tired of that too.

What If They Were Fat?

I know it's a little late, but head over to Fight Fat Phobia for an AWESOME giveaway. That ends tonight, but you still have time!



Movie Stars. We all want to be them. Or date one.

They're perfect, beautiful...and thin. But what if they weighed what we weighed? How beautiful would they be if they were fat...like us? Would they still be gorgeous, or would they look like regular people? Let's take a look...

Paris Hilton -

This is my favorite. Not only does she look normal, she looks downright ugly. Oh wait, she's always ugly.

Jessica Alba - without the smokin bod, she's just another pretty face.

Justin Timberlake - I picture this face belonging to someone named Billy Bob Joe Jack, sitting in his battered lawn chair on his trailer porch add-on, letting beer dribble down his chin - with a tin can of cigarettes and his trusty shotgun by his side.

Megan Fox - This picture gave me a weird thrill. I can't stand Megan Fox, and to see her looking like an overweight 2 dollar hooker....made me very happy.

Well, that's it for now. I think I may run this segment again in the future. I'm not saying that weight makes you ugly - I'm trying to say that all the people I am jealous of or aspire to be - well, they look just like everyday people without the personal trainers and dietitians. I choose to look at it like this, What am I going to look like when I lose all my weight?

Weigh In Wednesday

Soo....It's Wednesday. Weigh in day. I didn't do all that great this week, exercise wise. Or eating wise. Memorial day was a real killer.

Potato Salad.

Hamburgers.

Sausage.

Cake.

Banana Split Cake.

Soda.

Every dieter's worst nightmare. And although I didn't pig out - I didn't eat as well as I could have. But, boy was I active this week! The gym, playing with the boy, running errands, cleaning the house...lots of stuff. I don't really know how active I was in minutes - but I know I was busy. So here's the weekly stats -

Weight Loss - 4 pounds. Yup. 4. Seems to be a good number for me lately.
Minutes Exercised - about 500. I was the Energizer Bunny this week.

So there you have it! I'm doing great, feeling great, and losing weight!

Things That I Have Learned